What Does The Word Fatherless Really Mean?
There are definitions all over the internet of what being fatherless really mean and of course, I am going to give my perspective from a different angle. If you look at what Google’s definition of being fatherless means, they pretty much got it right. Their definition says “having no father because he is dead or absent from the home” (Google’s Definition).
I would go a little deeper with my definition and say the word fatherless means “your father has died and can no longer perform the duties of a father” Just that simple.
I’ve heard people say, on the internet and in person, that a person is not fatherless if they grew up with two parents in the home. This type of thinking is to shallow in my opinion, the only one who can tell if they feel they were fatherless is the child or in some cases the young adult in that situation.
Society thinks they can tell a fatherless person, you should not be counted as being fatherless if your mother remarried and has a husband she loves.
This is why this definition can get real tricky.
Let’s say, for example, a mother has a child and has become really successful but her job (in Cali) is too demanding to raise her child and she sends her child to her mother in SC. She is extremely busy, so she can’t call her child every day because she gets off work late. Would we ever call that child Motherless?
The answer is no and we shouldn’t, just like we shouldn’t call a child fatherless in the same scenario.
What if you were looking at a white shirt and we called it colorless, but when we took a look at the back of that shirt and it was full of colors can we continue to call this shirt colorless. The answer is no!
Too many times we try to make a situation (fatherless) what we want it to be to gain popularity or views. The truth of the matter is, the word fatherless should be cut and dry and that meaning should be the same as any other word ending with "less".
So colorless means no color, panty-less means no panties, homeless means no home, motherless means no mother and fatherless means no father. When speaking of the word fatherless, this should mean your father has died and can no longer perform the duties of a father.
One Study Says….Most Black Children are Not Fatherless
So, a study was reported and according to the CDC about 2.5 million fathers (lives with) and 1.7 million (live away) from their children.
The writer of this article went on to say just because your biological father is not in the home or your mom is raising you with her boyfriend, that doesn’t make you're fatherless.
Well, Mr. writer, I lived in a home with mom and her alcoholic abusive boyfriend and I damn sure consider myself fatherless. How dear you tell a fatherless person how to feel. This is society’s problem, we want to tell the fatherless “if you are like this then you are fatherless”. So far from the truth.
I would like to know where did the CDC get these numbers. Are they from the Midwest or Southwest? Did these numbers include just the household? For example, did they count the individual homes and say this area has 25,000 homes in a bad neighborhood so that’s 25,000 fatherless homes? What about the homes that have 5-6-7….. individual fatherless children that are not being counted. What about the home where there are two parents and 4 children (2 by the couple and 2 by the mom only, do they count 1 home as not being fatherless or 2 children as being fatherless and 2 children as not?
What I Really Think About Being Fatherless
I think we as a society need to give children a voice so they can express how they felt growing up without their fathers. It’s not our place to say you should be considered fatherless if you’re XYZ.
Every fatherless child will become a fatherless adult if they continue to live or unless they connect with their father and solidify their relationship. Other than those two scenarios most of us will take our story with us to the grave. A few of us will write a book about our lives and affect a few people.
I really believe we need a platform or website where fatherless children and adults can go to get real-life answers from someone who has been through it. www.questionsfromthefatherless.com is one of those platforms.
This website was designed by me because I wanted to have a place so the fatherless can come and really express how they felt growing up as a fatherless child. I think this is definitely a start.
How Can We Start To Change How We Think About Being Fatherless?
Well, one thing is listed above, go to the website and ask your question in private. Have many sites that will do the same thing so fatherless children, men, and women can have a place to go so they can truly express their true feelings about what it was really like growing up without their dad.
By doing it this way I believe a fatherless person is looking for an actual answer and not doing it for views or publicity.
Another way we can change how we are categorized is by educating ourselves. Find out what the true meaning of what being fatherless means and what it actually means to you.
Fatherless children all over the world are being labeled as being fatherless and they just take it at face value.
Find out why you are even fatherless in the first place and look outside of the box of “my dad is a deadbeat, that’s why”. Find out the real story of why your mom and dad are not together. Find this out from both parties.
So, what do I really think about the most black men are fatherless, argument? Well, I think it is useless to say out of 4.2 million fathers only 1.7 don’t live in the homes with their children seems ridiculous to me. That’s 40 percent and we should not be happy about this as black men?
First of all, those numbers seem quite low on both sides. But if they are true then this is a travesty and should not be used as a pitching tool to sell a book. If you have a neighborhood (a subdivision) and 40% of the homes do not have fathers in them then there are going to be problems.
If you want to help change this around then become a coach!!
Please leave a comment and visit the website listed above to ask your question about being fatherless.