This topic I'm writing today is very important for my overall process for helping the fatherless for a better future. All fatherless children will have some form of struggles with their relationships throughout their lives, but the fatherless woman relationships bring in a different dynamic.
Let me explain. If a fatherless man remembers the pain and suffering of his childhood he is more likely to not want children because of what he's been through. A woman, on the other hand, may do things a little different. She may have a child to prove she can be a better parent then hers were. Or she may have a child so she can have someone to give her unconditional love.
How the Struggles All Began
First I want to let you know that because I am not a woman I am going to give you my perspective from what I saw from my sisters, female friends I know and some research. I have 3 sisters who were all "fatherless" and of all the women I've dated or knew as friends, 80% of them were fatherless.
I guess the fatherless will find the fatherless. When I think back to when I was a kid and how being fatherless affected my sisters in their relationships today, I came to one conclusion. Being fatherless will negatively affect your relationships as an adult, and who you chose as a mate.
Of my three sisters, two were married, one has passed away but I can remember just a few years ago how mean and disrespectful she was to her husband. My two sisters who are alive, have issues with low self-esteem because they have allowed the wrong type of men to treat them badly but they still stayed.
Relationships With Your Mother
As far as a relationship with mothers, I have found out from many friends of mine did not have a good relationship with their mothers. Now, how is that? You would think that with that bad and mean father not being in the picture they would develop a stronger bond with their mothers.
This is far from the truth. Most of my friends said their mothers treating them like crap. That they were used as babysitters at ages as early as 4-5 years old, while she went out to party. Another friend of mine said she felt like her mother was jealous of her or just didn't like her because she reminded her of two people; her father and herself.
If we can’t solve the problem of fatherless mothers having a good relationship with their daughters then we will not be able to come up with a solution for helping the fatherless.
Relationships With Your Children
As relationships with their children, some of my friends have decent relationships with their children but most do not. I remember a friend who grew up with a father in the house but not sure if it was her biological dad. She had her struggle with relationships and this was passed down to her children because their children's father was not in their life or was he?
I asked that question because when you say none of your children call or visited you on Mother's Day and they lived in the same city, there is much more than their dad's not being in their lives. All of my sisters had children and for the most part, they all have great relationships with their children, except the one that was mean to her husband. I think they resented her for treating their dad so badly.
Relationships With Your Husband/Boyfriend
In this portion of my blog, I will be addressing relationships of fatherless women with my brothers-in-law and x-husbands and boyfriends of friends of mine. My sister's relationships with their husbands were all below average in my opinion. If anyone is physically and mentally abusive then they get an F grade.
Why did my sisters and many of my friends attract these types of men in their lives? In my opinion, it has everything to do with not having that strong respectful father figure in their lives who would've shown them love and guidance. We as a society have become blind to the fact that a father is still an extremely important part of our children's lives.
This should not be ignored if we want to see change. So, when I asked my friends how did they attract a man that was not going to be there to help with raising the children, they all said: "he was nice at the beginning". When I asked them, "thinking back now, did you see any red flags at the beginning?" At least 95% said they ignored the red flag so they could have that relationship.
These types of relationships are happening all over the world the problem is there is nothing in place to fix them. When I say fix I mean how do we turn this fatherless trend around? Where do we start first? Whatever it is, must be put in play fast. We have no more generations to waste.
Relationships, in general, are a struggle but when you throw in the fact that one or both people involved are fatherless, this makes it even harder. We all know this but there is a "pull" that is preventing us from moving forward on a solution.
So, we can send a man to the moon, invent the cell phone that can take pictures and gadgets about an inch in diameter to hold thousands of songs on it but we can't fix the fatherless problem?
I can't believe that. In my opinion, I think we can start with fixing this problem by starting with the protection of children and this should be done by the loving and respectful biological father. This man will be there for his children from the time of conception through the rest of their lives.
I also believe that it is now easy for a child to believe he is fatherless even if his father is in his life. This happens when negativity is constantly being spewed into his minds about his dad. This is happening all over the world.
Please leave a comment, or if you would rather ask me in a more private setting the go to questionsfromthefatherless.com