There is a saying that reads: There is no situation so bad that you cannot make worse by losing your temper. How often have we been in situations where we made things worse by losing our temperament?
How often have we seen this happening to others?
How often have friendships been broken up because one party or both lost their cool and lashed out with their tongues and said things which could never be forgiven afterwards?
The newspapers are full of reports of domestic violence and child abuse which is saddening, yet they were committed by otherwise loving fathers and mothers.
It is obvious to all of us that losing our tempers, instead of keeping our temperament cool, is dangerous, those who have lost their tempers have sometimes ruined lives -- others’ and their own. A moment of anger has often made persons commit violent crimes. There are at least a few mothers and fathers who have been imprisoned because they have severely abused their children, although this number has been rising in recent years.
Yet there is no denying that they do love their children very much. It is as if a demon had suddenly taken the passion for them and made them do the unspeakable and then after the deed has been done, left them to face the music. In quite a few cases, the offenders have confessed that they did not know what had made them do it.
It is obvious that keeping cool is a quality to be developed. It is a highly desirable quality to be able to be in person where one never loses his “cool”. The question now arises: Do we have control over our temper or is it something that cannot be helped? Can we really develop the art of keeping cool? Since some of us are bad-tempered, it is apparent that the ability to keep cool can be cultivated. Psychologists say that all our behaviour is a result of conditioning.
From the time we had been children; those of us who cannot keep cool have allowed ourselves to develop bad tempers. We have done this out of imitating the adults in our lives. In addition, it is true that only the behaviours that give us payoffs are developed.
Considered in this light, it is probable that when we lost our tempers and threw tantrums -- as children -- we received what we wanted. This would be reinforced the tendency to lose tempers and we would have carried this into adulthood until it became uncontrollable.
Based on this theory, we can develop an ability to keep cool. We could consciously reinforce keeping cool instead of blowing our tops. Whenever we manage to control our tempers we should reward ourselves.
This reward need not be elaborated. In small conditions, a mere invisible pat our backs would also be a reward. In more serious conditions, like when we keep cool and refuse to lose our temper and kick that creep -- like we are tempted to -- we could treat ourselves to an ice-cream or to a movie.
The mind soon learns that it is more fun to keep cool than to lose our cool. Soon the tendency to lose our cool becomes less and less.
The rewards of developing a calm and cool nature are many and we should aim very hard to develop it. History is full of great men who kept cool and earned admiration for generations. It is a well-known fact that a cool and controlled person can make better decisions and act better. Everyone wants to be such a person!
Lastly, we don’t have to let the fact that we were fatherless to control our temperament. Get the help you need right here from The Fatherless Store and start on your journey to being a better you for your family and friends.
Please leave a comment on how losing your temperament has affected your life and what you have done to change it.