Understanding Fatherlessness/Are You a Contributor?
At the beginning
At the beginning can mean different things for each individual, but since I’m writing this blog, let me explain where fatherlessness began for me and you can see if it relates to you.
In 1963, my mom had a baby boy who was 6 3/4 lbs and 19 in long, and that child was me. At the time of my birth I already had 4 siblings. So, a total of 3 men were chosen to make us. My mom decided that it was more important to get a measly check from “Society” then to have a father in the house.
The problem for us was which one of our fathers would even take over the burden of 5 children from 3 different men? In those days there was no stigma of doing this. All she had to do is pick one of them but she never did. She ended up with 8 children in total from 5 different men and never marrying any of them.
So, this was the beginning for me and my siblings. No father anywhere in sight and no one was even talking about it. At least today, there are platforms that are trying to bring light to this issue but it is a very slow process.
The Dangers of Growing up Fatherless
There are many dangers of growing up fatherless with plenty of data supporting it. Here are just a few that I know just off the top of my head. 71% of drop-outs come from fatherless homes. 63% of all suicides committed by children are from fatherless homes. 90% of all run ways grow up without a father in the home.
Perhaps the 2 most over-looked statistics on fatherless is that there’s an 87.5% chance that if you grow up without a father, you will repeat the cycle without even realizing it. Next, if you are a woman who grew up without a father and decides to get married, there is a 93% chance you will get a divorce. Just stunning numbers and still we are ignoring how problematic growing up without a father really is.
Who Are The One's at Fault?
Well, there are plenty of faults to go around, but here we are going to concentrate of the person in the mirror. Because this problem is so bad that if you are fatherless and you’re reading this blog post, you have your fair share of adding to the problem.
Now, if you are a man and you are sleeping with random women and impregnating them, then you are a contributor. If you a woman and you have several different fathers for your children, just like my mom, then you are a contributor. Those two are obvious, but here are some not so obvious faults that we may not be paying attention too.
If you are committing paternity fraud, by telling one guy he’s the father when another man is, you are a contributor. If you are a single mother by choice, you are a contributor. If you allow yourself to get pregnant from a man who is violent a drug dealer, or whose address is behind bars, then you are a contributor. Ok, last but not least, if you are a judge and you are keeping children from their fathers then you too are a contributor and should be called out.
Where Do We Go From Here?
Like I mentioned in the last paragraph, just look in the mirror and start there. If you are a contributor, stop doing what you’re doing at once and by all means if you are struggling with any of the challenges listed below get help from somewhere:
Now, please understand that just because you were a contributor in the past it doesn't mean you have to continue being one. Get some much needed help from here or anywhere that’s best for your situation, but get some help please. Reconnect with you children, read all the post in this space and take some action to become a better person and not a contributor.
Please share this post so we can start bringing more attention to all the contributors of fatherlessness.
Tom Guu